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Majlis Ugama Islam Singapura
8 March 2013 / 25 Rabiulakhir 1434
Treating our Wives with Good Manners
Dear blessed Friday,
Last week, we spoke about treating our parents with respect and good manners. This week, I would like to call upon all of you, especially those who are already married, to continue to find ways to serve others in a bid to earn Allah’s pleasure. In fact, by treating this special group of people well, it will help us to strengthen our taqwa towards Allah s.w.t, helping us to obey His commandments and avoiding what He has prohibited upon us.
I am referring to our dear wives. These are the women in our lives who have supported us, and continue to stand by us, as we ride through the happy and sad moments together. Our wives are those who will sail through the course of marriage with us.
My dear brothers,
Marriage or nikah is a sunnah and practice of Rasulullah s.a.w, which is strongly encouraged, and among its objectives is to create love and affection between the husband and wife. As Allah has mentioned Surah Ar-Ruum verse 21:
Which means: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
This verse promotes marriage as a source of happiness and calmness. However, in ensuring that our marriage remains as so, allow me to share with you two aspects that we can improve on, in the hope that they could be useful in strengthening our marital bond with our significant other.
First, building good relations between the husband and wife.
One of the easiest ways to show our love for our wives, is to speak only kind and beautiful words, which are pleasing to the ears. Call your wives using terms of endearment. The Prophet s.a.w. called ‘Aisyah r.a. Humaira’, which means the rosy red one, which is meant to praise her for her skin complexion.
Many of us are probably used to calling our wives with terms of endearment. But there are those who still feel awkward and embarrassed to do so. However, terms of affection are not just appropriate for newlyweds, but are also encouraged among those who have been married for a longer period.
On the contrary, words that are rude and harsh can cause hatred, especially if we were to chide our wives with rude and insulting remarks when there is a misunderstanding or argument. Imagine how hurt our wives will be if they are treated as such? Would we like it if our wives were to retaliate with the same rudeness and disrespect?
We should thus never be hesitant to praise and thank our wives, even if what they have done is something small or it is their responsibility to do so. For example, thank your wife for cooking, and praise her for doing so. She will feel appreciated and that all her effort and tiredness are paid off when she hears the kind and pleasing words from her husband.
Second, the need to understand each other.
Let us reflect upon the words of ‘Aisyah r.a.: “Rasulullah s.a.w. said to me: ‘I know when you are angry with me and when you are not.’ So I asked: ‘How can you tell?’ Rasulullah s.a.w replied: ‘If you were content with me you say no and by the God of Mohammad. And if you were angry with me you say: no and by the God of Ibrahim.’ I replied: ‘That is right oh Rasulullah! By Allah, I will never forget your name.” [Muslim]
My brothers, see how Rasulullah s.a.w. was able to understand his wife so well that he could tell her reaction in certain situations. This is something that we should try to emulate. If we are more concerned and sensitive towards our wives’ feelings, it will be easier for us to avoid what she does not like and attempt to make her happy by doing what she likes. Doing so will help us to handle whatever issues or problems that arise, and manage them effectively before it drags on.
Besides that, we should also help our wives in completing household chores. Many of us may feel exhausted after a hard day at work. But do not forget that our wives are also just as tired from work. Even if they are full time housewives, taking care of the children and managing the household are not easy and are equally as tiring.
Therefore my brothers, we must help our wives in taking care of the children and completing household chores. Rasulullah s.a.w. himself helped his wife with the domestic chores, hence it is not right if we feel that we do not need to do the same.
Both husband and wife play an important role in building a harmonious family. But as the leader of the family, we must initiate the effort and lead by example. When our wives feel appreciated and observe our good examples, Insya Allah, we will earn her respect and she will then respond to us in the same loving manner.
After all, Rasulullah s.a.w has taught us in his hadith, which means: “I beseech you to treat women in the best manner… And for that advise them with gentleness.”
Hopefully by treating each other well and with mutual respect, the institution of marriage within the Muslim community will be strengthened and give rise to generations that will continue to serve their religion and country in time to come. Amin.